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The Biggest Nerds in Sports Posted: 15 Sep 2011 12:38 PM PDT When you call someone a nerd (or a geek), it’s pretty inconvenient – ‘coz nerds and geeks come in all shape and sizes – some are lumbering Trekkies, some are super-skinny World of Warcraft enthusiasts, and some excel at the nerdiest of all activities: school. These guys are a mixed bag. Whether they possess intimidating intelligence, look extremely goofy or engage in dweeby sub-culture, one thing’s for sure, they are nerds. But these guys mask their nerd styles behind their occupation. It’s time to reveal these men for what they really are: The Biggest Nerds in Sports. Tim Lincecum Let’s start this countdown off with a nerd whose nerdiness is purely cosmetic. Sure, he’s won two Cy Young Awards and only one pitcher (Don Larsen) has piled up more K’s in their first five seasons in the bigs, but look at this guy. He’s got a mane for a hairdo. And it isn’t a cool mane. It’s the type of mane you see at Magic: The Gathering tournaments. Next, you’ve got the grill. I guess the Lincecum family never heard of orthodontics. Finally, there’s the physique. At 5’11″, 160 lbs., he doesn’t exactly fit the bill of an “elite athlete.” Luckily, he throws gas and has one of the game’s best change-ups. Otherwise, he would be living in his parents basement without a date every weekend. source Ross Ohlendorf Ross may look like your run of the mill right-handed starter, but he’s a real-life nerd. The Princeton grad was honored with the George Mueller Award for combining “high scholarly achievement in the study of engineering with quality performance in intercollegiate athletics.” Ohlendorf proved the return on investment on MLB draftees by using sabermetrics. Now, I don’t know what any of that means, but it sure sounds geeky. source Larry Bird The “Legend” might be the greatest small forward in the history of the NBA. That being said, he’s a major nerd. Maybe not in a traditional sense, but Bird’s outward appearance says only one thing to me: computer programmer. Sure, he’s 6’9″ and passes the ball like a magician. Sure, he was a great scorer whose back injury hampered him from collecting even more rings and accolades. But if he wasn’t a millionaire and Hall of Famer, his looks surely would have hampered his game with the ladies. source Tiger Woods Thank God this guy can stroke a little white ball, because he sure is a dork. Forget about the fact that he has spent the majority of his life on the course. Forget about the hundreds of millions of dollars earned between tournament wins and endorsements. Let’s focus on the nerd factor. First of all, he talks like one of the Gumbel brothers. Though very articulate, his voice screams “sheltered kid from the suburbs.” And he may have nabbed more ladies than Wilt Chamberlain, but I’m willing to wager he wouldn’t have been as prolific in that area if he didn’t have such a Viagra-esque net worth. On top of the voice, Woods went to Stanford, and there are only a handful of places with more nerds than Stanford. source Bruce Bowen Hey Bruce, Tucker Carlson called. He wants his terrible look back. Nothing says nerd quite like a bow tie. Just ask the cast of Revenge of the Nerds or Revenge of the Nerds III: The Next Generation. Bowen sure didn’t play nerdy when he was in the NBA, though. He helped his teams to three championships while making the All-Defensive team eight times. source Vitali and Wladimir Klitschko You would think if your job was to absorb blows to the head while dishing out punches of your own, you wouldn’t be that smart. Wrong! Wladimir speaks five languages and earned a PhD in Sports Science. Vitali earned a doctorate in Sports Science, too, and is a political leader in his native Ukraine. Calling these two nerds might bring on a double beating, but it’s hard to deny such learned dorks a spot on this countdown. source Myron Rolle Nothing dorky here, right? Think again. Myron Rolle epitomizes nerd-dom. The college safety may have studied at Florida State, but Rolle was pre-med, racked up a 3.75 GPA, and graduated in just two and a half years. Rolle also postponed his dreams of playing in the NFL so he could continue his education as a Rhodes Scholar at Oxford. source Kurt Rambis Good God, man. Was this picture taken before Rec-Specs were invented? Rambis was a selfless member of the 1980′s Lakers. He gave up his body (and his style) and managed to win four titles with Los Angeles. He looked, however, like an overgrown George McFly. source Maurice Jones-Drew There’s nothing nerdy about being one of the top featured backs in the NFL. Jones-Drew dances and slips past opponents en route to big gains and touchdowns. So, why is he on this list? He’s a fantasy dork. As much as we all want to deny it, fantasy sports are nerdy. MJD not only drafts several teams a year (like most of us reading this article), but he hosts a show on Sirius satellite radio discussing fantasy. Jones-Drew might be the coolest guy in his leagues, but he’s still in the league and that makes him a nerd. source James Worthy Stereotypes would probably disappear if they didn’t hold a speck of truth. For “Big Game James,” his goggles tell the story. The ’88 Finals MVP and seven-time all-star was one of the most instrumental players for the Lakers during their decade of shared dominance. But Worthy was guarding a nerdy secret. Worthy is a self-proclaimed “Trekkie.” His allegiance to the Starship Enterprise was awarded when Gene Roddenberry made him a Klingon in an episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation. source George Parros George Parros probably would have been compared to Tom Selleck or Burt Reynolds had he been born 20 years ago. As fate would have it, he is a contemporary right winger in the NHL. Parros played his college hockey at Princeton. The Ivy League dweeb majored in economics and compiled a thesis discussing labor disputes for west coast longshoremen. In addition to this dorky resume, Parros speaks three languages and enjoys doing crossword puzzles. source Tim Duncan Tim Duncan has put together perhaps the best career of any power forward in NBA history. His fundamental game is comprised of angular rebounding and geometric backboard shooting. What a nerd. If his game wasn’t enough proof for you to call the three-time Finals MVP a nerd, try this on for size: Duncan has been a Dungeons and Dragons enthusiast for years. He also likes to attend Renaissance fairs when he’s not playing video games. Without his basketball pedigree, Duncan would have been destined to a life of role playing, and not that of the erotic kind. source

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